And The Winner Is...

Well, this is sort of hard to judge. The deal was to guess what it is and what I thought it was, which nobody really did. But I'll give you all props for being freakishly good at this game. And for making me laugh. Oprah? Good one.

Anyhoo, it is, in fact, an elephant. However, for 3 days it hung on my fridge where I thought of it as a bat. Until Stink explained to my husband that you stick your little arm through it to make the trunk. (Said perverted husband offered another solution. And don't act like you didn't think of that.)

In the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter who "won", since I wasn't able to make a donation in any other name but my own. But I kept to my word and donated $10 to Mala's cause, and it looks like she's up to a total of $115. Way to go, girl!

Other than that, I've got nada going on. For a few hours last night I was broken out in hives. I have no idea why, but the only thing out of the norm for me was that I ate a mini candy bar. Neither of my guys like coconut, so all Mounds and Almond Joys are still sitting in Sam's enormous bowl of Halloween candy. So...I helped myself. But the funniest part was that immediately after telling my husband that I ate one, he asked me which one had nuts in it. I thought he was kidding, so I spouted off the ancient jingle, "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't." Much to my surprise, he AGAIN asked me which one has nuts. Really? ALMOND Joy?!?! His blond moments are so few and far between (read: never) that I cherish them dearly.

My only other "news" is that I got carded at the liquor store tonight. Made. My. Day. And, yes, it was prior to me handing him my debit card that says "See ID" on back. So, hooray for me! Unfortunately, it was downhill from there. He asked me if I was a teacher at Mill Creek. I stood there with a completely blank stare on my face for what seemed like an eternity. I'm not a teacher, and not entirely sure where Mill Creek even is, so you can imagine my confusion. At this point I should mention that since I hadn't yet showered (what?) I had grabbed a hat belonging to my husband. Any guess what it says on it? Yep...Mill Creek. Love my life.

Swedish Duck Porn

**This post title brought to you courtesy of the iNDefatigable mjenks.**

Where the hell have I been? I have no clue. I could blame the cold/cough that Stink and I are generously sharing with each other, but that's not it. Or our trip to the Emergency Room last night to treat said cough, but that's not it, either. I don't know. So let's catch up, shall we?

Hmmm...yeah...I've got nothing. Life has been pretty boring in these parts. So I'll do some rambling.

I think I've already touched on Halloween, but here's a few pictures.




Those were taken at an event the night before at a nearby petting zoo. Ordinarily I'd have more pictures, but my hands were frozen it was so freaking cold out. These were taken the next day, about 35 degrees warmer.





The day after Halloween I was driving and I heard a song on the radio and thought to myself, "Weird, I thought this was a holiday song." Next song up? "Jingle Bells." Why is it that every year I forget that one of our radio stations starts Christmas carols November 1st? I'm not ready for it, at all. I have no problem with the holidays, in fact this is probably my favorite time of year. But I just like to get through Thanksgiving before I put up the tree and hang the stockings. So what does my loving and supportive husband do?



That's right, all the living room lights have been switched out with red and green bulbs. This isn't even all of them. And don't get me started on the driveway motion sensor lights.

In other news, here's a piece of "art" that Stink brought home from preschool. A few questions and I learned that it was supposed to be a fence with pumpkins lined up on the top of it. He was bummed because he accidentally painted one (far left) on the bottom. I assured him it was fine, pumpkins are generally on the ground. Evidently he was fine with the pumpkin on the far right levitating.




Alright, I've got one more picture for you. And let's make it interesting. The ever lovely Mala is raising money for a good cause. (Scroll back to her 11/08 post, I can't seem to link directly to it.) I'll donate $10 in your name if you can correctly identify what this is, AND what I thought it was. (Here's a hint, this was done prior to Halloween.) And to REALLY raise the stakes, I'll throw in another $5 if you can tell me what word I thought it was. Mind you, I was lucid and sober when I laid my eyes on it, so I can't explain the train of thought. But, again, Halloween.



Alright, that's all I've got. If you're on Facebook and would like to know how to change your page to be in Pirate language, let me know. My nephew shared that info with me earlier this evening. It's entertaining, for a bit.

Hope you all are well, I'm gradually getting back "out there" and trying to catch up on what's going on.

(How come when I do spellcheck it picks up the word "Facebook" as being spelled wrong? Isn't that sort of an accepted word by now?)

Sexual Chocolate

I figured that since it seems I'm only posting once a week, I could give you a more exciting title than "Weekend Wrap Up". Same shit, different name. But somehow it makes it more exciting. For me, anyway.

Back in my bar tending glory days there were lots of "regulars" that came in. When it came time to settle up, there was one guy that always produced a single blank check from his back pocket. After countless nights of watching him struggle to legibly fill it out, I offered to do it for him. I filled out everything except for his signature, but he eventually gave that duty up to me as well. What he didn't realize was that I took liberties with the "Memo" line. "Services Rendered", "Clown Porn", you name it. But "Sexual Chocolate" was always my favorite. Whether or not he ever found out about my shenanigans is still unknown to me. Good times.

Friday night hubby was off work and we headed to a Halloween event with my BFF and her two daughters. It was a lot of fun for the kids, albeit freaking freezing! Yet Sam never complained. And since it was held on the grounds of a petting zoo I was not at all embarrassed when he loudly declared, "This place smells like poop!" D-Dub got assaulted by a flying, flaming marshmallow and was noticeably grumpy the rest of the evening. Can't say that I blame him.

Saturday the weather did a complete 180. We hit two shopping plazas and one mall. Sam's candy haul is absurd! Then we stopped by a get together my mom was at. We left there with a huge bag of candy and a bottle of wine. Best. Treat. Ever.

Later that night three fire trucks went by our house headed east so we turned on the news to see if we could figure out what happened. There was nothing close to home, but there was a story about a house fire out south. We cringed when they said the man had 3rd degree burns on 98% of his body. We officially changed "fire" as worst way to die, taking over the previous worst way, drowning.

Yesterday was wonderful weather. Rather than riding his motorcycle, my poor husband spent 5 hours raking leaves. I woke up feeling like death. Thankfully, Stink kept himself entertained and I laid in bed. Feel much better today, but Sam and I both have a lingering cough.

Remember when I mentioned I was a bartender? (If you don't, you have some serious short term memory loss.) Imagine my horror and sadness when I logged onto Facebook last night and read a message from my friend that the fire victim was one of my old regulars. He obviously passed away, and I'm seriously bummed about it. There's going to be a "Cheers To Jimmy" at the bar Saturday night and I have a feeling that not only will there be a lot of people there, it's going to be a tear jerker.

Man Dies While Smoking Near Oxygen - NBC Action News KSHB-TV 41



In an effort to not go out on such a sad note, here's a picture of Stink as "Optimus Prime". At least, I assume that's him. He was with his dad when this was taken, so I'm just taking his word for it.



When we had him he quickly ditched the mask. His lame excuse? "I can't breathe." What a wimp.

Hope you all had a great weekend!

Weekend Wrap Up

All the fun around here started Wednesday evening. I went out to the garage and noticed a few bugs. Thought nothing of it. Went out again and saw hundreds. Being a practical person, I updated my Facebook status then promptly took pictures of them and uploaded them to FB. (I'll spare you, as they were deemed "gross" by more than one person.) D-Dub (hubby) was supposed to get home early from work, so I did nothing about it. Needless to say, "early" turned out to be not so much, and by the time he got home it was upgraded to plague status. He had hoped to relax a bit and get to bed early for a 6:00am meeting the next day. Instead, he spent a great deal of time sweeping and blowing out the garage, spraying poison, and setting off a bug bomb.

That seemed to do the trick, mostly. Thursday there were a few survivors, so that night he set off another bomb. We still see a few stragglers, but they are moving slowly and I think I heard one cough. One appeared to be holding up a white flag, but I might have imagined that.

Saturday afternoon Sam headed off with his "other" grandparents and D-Dub had to work. I had plans to meet a long lost high school friend for drinks. I was going to drive to the bar, and he'd pick me up after work. Turned out work was mundanely slow and his guys were up and running so he bailed early. He dropped me off at 6:30, then picked me up about 4 hours later. I can't begin to tell you how much fun I had! I was very nervous going in. I mean, we chat on FB often and it's always entertaining, but you never know. She hasn't changed a bit in 18 years, and is as sweet and funny as I remember. She cusses like a sailor and drinks like a fish. Perfection! I didn't take my camera, and I'm happy about it. I'd hate to post a picture as you'd likely look at it and think, "Wow, she is lovely." Then look at me and think, "Aw, well, that's too bad."

Today D-Dub went to a pizza party for a friend turning 40. (Is that the new thing? That's the second one in 6 months we've been invited to.) I stayed behind and snuggled in bed and listened to the pounding rain. When he came home he said that the party was continuing later at, of all places, "Bar." Super. I showered and got ready and we met about 6-8 people there.

(I was going to take a picture but it was rainy and by that point practically dark. But I swear on all that is holy I will someday get a snapshot of that dump.)

Everybody was really intoxicated except us. The birthday boy especially so. Then a bit later his absurdly high as a kite, 18 year old son walked in. The kid mentioned the munchies, so dad gestured to the bartender and mentioned a "dick sandwich". There were other odd comments made and at one point somebody asked if I was OK. I later told D-Dub that I didn't want to come off as snotty or acting like I was better than them, but c'mon! I love my husband for the fact that numerous times throughout the evening he looked over at me and mouthed out, "good sport", and at one point whispered, "I feel a blog post coming on." Man, he knows me well!

We only hung out for a few hours then headed home. Watched a little Sunday night football while flipping over to the baseball game. I whipped up a little something to eat awhile ago and now we are full. He's watching "Storm Chasers" while I work on this. Stink gets back tomorrow and he'll be thrilled to learn that D-Dub purchased the new Transformers movie!

I don't want to make this much longer, but I'll sign out by telling you that while one of the most obnoxious guys was reliving the past he mentioned his time spent at a bar called, "The Back Door." Before I could stop myself I said, "OK, now that sounds really gay!" Laughter erupted and I mentally scored one for myself. (And if you think I have a an issue with homosexuality, then go away.)

Hope you all had a great weekend! What's everyone dressing as for Halloween?

Weak-End Wrap Up

Throughout the day a whole myriad of news stories pop up on the screen and out of boredom I tend to check most of them out. Besides, one can only watch so much porn. But for whatever reason I never looked into this odd story. That is until Falcon was "rescued" and they showed a family photo. And my first thought was, "Man, they look familiar!" Then I realized, with complete shame, that they'd been on "Wife Swap" and that I'd seen the episode. Thinking back to what a total freak show the dad had been, I was not at all surprised. I won't bore you with my opinions on the matter, but I will say that I'm happy to learn that charges are being filed.

Instead I will bore you with the details of my weekend. Seriously, Friday night was so pathetic that my Facebook status read, "This is possibly the lamest Friday night ever." Luckily, my old friend Cindy was at home and just as bored. We took over her daughter's page and by the time it was all said and done I was crying I was laughing so hard. And for reasons that I don't recall, we were both speaking like Yoda towards the end. Good times.

Saturday evening after a yummy dinner of Tacos my guys retired to the family room and proceeded to watch Nascar. Cut to me up in the bedroom finishing up my book and occasionally glancing at whatever was on television. The phone rang and as I reached for it I glanced at the TV, which also displays the caller ID. Imagine my surprise when I saw my husband's name. I answered the phone, "Really?" He laughed and said, "Come check us out." I obliged and headed downstairs, trying to imagine what they were up to. Something very sweet or cute, I was sure. And this is what I happened upon.






Reason for the call? Another beer and more apple juice, please. I love them, so I took their order and delivered their drinks.

Sunday Sam was off to the Pumpkin Patch with his "other" Grandparents. Hubby took advantage of the wonderful weather and went for a motorcycle ride. I opted to stay behind and do absolutely nothing get busy with housework.

Sunday evening we lounged around and watched TV, and somehow I ended up making a run to Burger King for two hungry guys. Sam retreated to his room to play computer games and my husband watched "Storm Chasers."

And this concludes the wrap up of the most boring weekend ever. I would like to thank everybody for their concern regarding Sam and his junk. We are completely baffled as to what the problem was, but happy to report that all is normal again. But just to be on the safe side, and be able to get a jump on things should trouble *ahem* arise, he hasn't taken his hand out of his pants all week. Makes a mama proud.

Late Weekend Wrap Up

Friday my husband took the day off work and spent some time doing some things around the house to get ready for winter. Then he made us beef enchiladas, refried beans, and fideo for dinner. Yum!

Saturday we had planned on going to the Pumpkin Patch. Here's a picture of my guys from last year. If it wasn't in black and white you could see how bright and sunny it was that day. In fact, we were all a bit hot towards the end of the day.



Here's a picture from this year.



Holy shit, it was cold! We broke out Sam's winter coat and hubby and I layered. We all set out with hats and gloves and thermals on. What the hell? Stink never once complained though and was a better sport about posing for pictures than he was last year.




Notice the hood in the background? How incredibly creepy looking is that? He was sporting the Unabomber look all day. Throw in a corn maze and it was nightmare material.

And this year was the first time that Stink was able to do the Zip Line by himself, and boy, was he proud!




Despite the risk of frost bite and potential hypothermia, it was a fun day. We scored and got three good looking pumpkins, small, medium, and large.




Afterwards we headed to one of my hubby's favorite restaurants, and at some point it hit me that we ate there last year after the Pumpkin Patch. A tradition has been born!

The rest of the weekend was laid back with not much to report. So I'll tell ya a weird story.

Stink had been fighting off a cold all weekend so we were not at all surprised when he slept in Saturday. He came into our room and immediately asked that my husband turn his computer games on. He obliged, and was doing so when Sam headed to the bathroom for his morning potty break. He came back and reported, "I hate it when my penis is really big." What now? He showed it to us, and I was speechless! We tried to go to Walgreen's Urgent Care, but evidently they don't treat such matters. Somehow, the problem took care of itself, but it's still baffling. I said it looked like an acorn, and my hubby referenced the Michelin Man. My dad called in the evening and asked about it. He told my husband it looked like "a lamp shade with a tiny light bulb." I don't know if that makes sense or not, but it was fiercely accurate and had us in tears laughing.

I had Sam pull his underwear down to take a gander and then told him to head upstairs to put some cream on it. Evidently, he didn't return his junk to his underwear, because as we're headed up the steps he says, "Walking around with my penis out sure does feel good!" Men. What can you do?

Weekend Wrap Up

Earlier this evening my husband said to me, "I'm going to need you to blog." OK, what now? Seems he's read all of my "6 boring posts" from September. So, not only did I only blog 6 out of 30 days, but they were "boring." Go, me!

Friday night I was home by myself. Hubby was working and Sam was with his dad. I heard a noise and successfully freaked myself out, to the point where I had dialed 9 and 1 before heading upstairs to check out the scene. Needless to say, nothing was amiss. Which was a good thing, because by that point the operator was telling me that if I'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again. I hung up and the phone immediately rang. Damn my dad!

Saturday hubby spent MANY hours blowing out the gutters, the driveway, the deck, and mowing and mulching the yard. My ass stayed inside and devoured half of a book. To reward him I treated at our favorite Mexican restaurant. We settled in at home and watched a movie, then took a stab at the DVR contents. It seems I drank my body weight in wine.

Today has found me feeling like complete ass. When I finally pulled myself out of bed we put on our leather and headed out for a motorcycle ride. Afterwards we got Sam back about 5:30. Hung out with him for a bit, then we fired up the grill for chicken and pork chops. I was still feeling "special" and after watching me struggle to open a box of Macaroni and Cheese for no less than 45 seconds my hubby asked, "Really?" It was THAT bad.

This evening we've spent playing online. My dad sent an email warning not to open any emails with "Invitation" as the subject line. Naturally, I immediately sent him one with exact subject line and the body read, "Did you open this?" He replied, "What are you talking about?" I laughed so freaking hard!


I'll leave you with one of my favorite pictures from Jamaica. (Wish I'd have flexed my legs instead of pointing my toes. Check out hubby's legs! Yum!)



And since my dad was out of town, I raided his picture gallery and came out with a pic that makes me laugh every single time I look at it. My baby!



Tell me that's not funny! Doesn't he look like an old, drunk guy needing a Scotch and a Cigar?

Swine Flu In Jamaica

Alright, so it became quite clear to me that I should not have so casually mentioned meeting "some dude", and not giving details beyond that. So here we go.

Like I said, after a long day of travel we were both a bit cranky. And hot. We headed down to the beach side bar and were delighted that we were the only ones there. That bliss lasted about 8 minutes. Then that's when 5 people joined us after, I'm assuming, spending the majority of the afternoon in the sun at the swim up bar. Read: drunk and obnoxious.

*On a really bizarre side note, I shit you not, at one point 3 out of 5 of them took out their AA chips. What the freaking frick?*

I said there were 5 people, right? Two couples and a random dude. At a couples resort. That in and of itself should have been a red flag. But sometimes we're slow.

So the couples are chatting each other up and having fun, which leaves random dude, conveniently sitting to my right, to annoy us. Which he did, and he did it well. Within 10 minutes I knew his life story, which included his 17 years of Military service, 3 gun shot wounds, and one particularly tragic incident with a grenade that resulted in him getting his "face blown off." My husband, who is typically much more patient than I am, leaned over and said, "I hate this dude." So we made nice for a minute or two then politely excused ourselves.

We went to another bar for a bit then decided to hit the beach side bar for one more before bed. And guess who was there? Random dude, still without his other half. Luckily for us, he was finishing his drink and leaving. I think the complete look of relief and joy we both got was entirely too obvious as the other couple at the bar picked up on it. And laughed. And agreed. They'd met him and were also completely annoyed by him. And they had a nickname for him, Pig Vomit. I don't know why, but that's what they came up with.

Our new friends were Minnie and Carlos, and they were super fun to hang out with. We caught our third wind and decided not to go to bed, and we had a great time. That was Sunday.

Tuesday the resort was hosting an outdoor buffet with lots of live entertainment. Naturally, that was the only day it rained, so it was moved to an indoor location. We dressed "beachy" and headed out. We looked nice, right?


 

There was no dress code, and some people were very dressed up, while others were extremely casual. And one dude that boggled my mind. I only saw him from behind, but took note of his sleeveless, button up Camo shirt and matching hat. Classy.

When it was over we headed down to the beach side bar. An hour or so later Minnie and Carlos showed up. They had intended to go to a different bar but walked in and walked right out when they noticed Pig Vomit. Minnie went on to tell me what he was wearing. You see where this is headed, right? Camo shirt and hat.

We were hanging out with them when a nice Japanese couple sat to my husband's left. Then a minute or two later, I spotted Pig Vomit (PV). (Hard to do, what with all the Camo, but I notice stuff.) PV starts trying to chat up the lady, so my husband did what any good citizen would and warned the guy about PV. He'd already picked up on it, and a moment or two later they got up and moved. All is right in the world. For a minute.

It seems that PV (still by himself) was extremely intoxicated. He, rightfully so, felt that we all disliked him. And for whatever reason decided that my hubby should take the brunt of his anger. Because right about then is when I realize that PV is full on staring at him, muttering under his breath. Then the muttering gets louder. I was extremely uncomfortable, as we were sitting there not making eye contact with him, completely ignoring him. Which made him angrier.

This has gotten entirely too long, but I'll tell you that PV had escalated to calling my husband a "pussy", and he "strongly recommended" we leave. I give mad props to my husband for not once losing his cool. Meanwhile, Minnie was livid that no one was doing anything about it. She was ranting to the bartender that PV needed to leave or, at the very least, be hung from a tree. I also overheard her say she was going to cut his face off. I assumed she was kidding.

PV never left, but a bartender set him up on the other side of the bar, and security kept an eye on him. We grew tired of his shit so got drinks to go and had another, bigger bartender escort us to our room. Fun times. But the good news is that we never saw him again on our trip. Maybe Minnie really did kill him, I don't know. She was certainly prepared to do so.



Yes, that's right, at one point I heard glass break and then a not so convincing, "Oops." Bitch wasn't taking any chances.

Then when we got back to our room hubby and I took a picture in honor of Pig Vomit. Because we are also really classy.

 

Best Week Ever

Have you ever had to be awake ridiculously early for something and you are so excited for it that you know there's no way in hell you can fall asleep? That was us last Saturday night. We'd spent the whole day having fun with Sam, then after dinner with my parents we bid him farewell and headed home. It was then that we played "drink as fast as you can in hopes that you'll pass out". That wasn't working, so we eventually forced ourselves to go to bed at 1:00am. And the alarm went off at 4:00am. LONG day!

We flew from KCI to Charlotte, where we lost an hour. Then on to Jamaica, where we gained the hour back. For the life of me I can't wrap my brain around that one. We checked in at the resort kiosk in the airport and waited for our bus to arrive. The bartender asked us what we "do for fun" at home. He then asked if we liked to "party hard", which is Jamaican code for, "I have drugs if you want them". It was time to depart so we grabbed our complimentary beers, Ecstasy, and 8 ball of coke and headed out.

(Of course, I'm totally kidding. However I did send an email to my dad when we got to the resort and I mentioned that everyone asks you that. I signed off with, "I'm too high to type anymore." I amuse me.)

The bus ride wasn't as horrible as I had imagined it would be, but it was long and we were worn out. By the time we got to our room we were both a bit cranky, so I wasn't surprised when my husband seemed disappointed with it. We decided to head out and tour the grounds, which quickly put us back in good spirits. And speaking of spirits, we headed to the bar. That really helped! We quickly met some dude, but I'm saving that for another post.

We headed up to the lobby area, which required scaling an absurd amount of steps. Seriously, my calves were burning! We grabbed a drink and sat on the terrace overlooking the ocean. Gorgeous! We were so tired and I was honestly thinking about going to bed when a quick check of my watch showed that it was 7:15. We caught our second winds and headed to one of the bars. We met another couple that were thoroughly entertaining and the next thing we knew it was well after midnight. A couple of "to go" drinks and we retired to our room. And that, my friends, was day one.

Here's a picture of the view from our patio. The quality isn't the best, and I couldn't figure out why. It wasn't until our last night when somebody told me that when you first break out your camera you have to wait a few minutes as the lens will steam up. Good to know.



And this is ONE of the flights of stairs on the property.




More pictures to come! Right now, I'm happy to be home and reunited with my baby, even if earlier he did throw a tantrum over nothing. I'm also extremely busy watching all the shows we recorded. How sad is that? The DVR was 90% full when we got home, and that makes me extremely nervous. I mean, gawd forbid I miss an episode of "Hell's Kitchen."

Hope you all are doing well! I'm gradually making my rounds and am glad to be back!

Wednesday Weekend Wrap Up

I feel like I've really fallen off the blogging grid here lately. I haven't been inspired to write anything and I've even been finding it difficult to make my way around and read and comment as often as I used to. Forgive me.

For the 87th (or so it seems) week in a row my husband was supposed to work on Saturday. Combine the fact that he didn't want to, and that Stink asks him daily if he has a day off, he made an executive decision and decided not to go. That left my two guys playing soccer, baseball, playing with Monster trucks, watching "Transformers", and basically just having the male bonding time that they both love.

Hubby did have to go in to work and make sure that the guys were doing what they were supposed to be doing and that things were running well, so he took Stink with him. He took great pride in telling me he had "to go to work". The guys all get a kick out him, as he's such an outgoing little dude. One of the guys told Sam what another guy's nickname was. Stink later giggled and told my husband, "He said 'boob'".

When they got home we headed out to "Old Settlers". I have no idea what that means, but it's a festival of sorts held yearly not far from home. Stink enjoyed all the rides and I thoroughly enjoyed a corn dog. I fought the urge to get a funnel cake, as that's not on the diet.












That last picture isn't the best, but I have a reason for posting it. I put it on my Facebook page and a friend of mine tagged it. Know why? See that building in the background? The city is nice enough to put on a fun event that thousands of people may enjoy themselves at. And cruel enough to do it right in front of the jail. See all of us having fun? Suck it, inmates!

Sunday Stink went to spend 7 hours with his "other" grandparents. I only mention the hours because I easily spent double that convincing him to go. He relented and went with them. Hubby and I spent the majority of the day out on the bike. Perfect weather and I got just the right amount of sun.

When Sam returned we headed out to the annual neighborhood Ice Cream Social. That is SO not my cup of tea, wearing a name tag and being friendly with people I won't talk to again until next year. But there were a ton of kids and Sam always has fun. And every year there's a special treat for the kiddos.









A firetruck, baby! And per Sam's request, they ran their lights and sirens and honked the horn as they pulled away.

All in all, a wonderful weekend. I'll leave you with a picture of my hubby, enjoying a well deserved libation.





And one more picture. Whenever we play "Cars", I'm always "Sally", since I'm a girl. (That's Sam's deal.) Turn my back for one minute and this is what my husband does.



Yep, that's "me", getting nailed from behind by "Ramone". Nice.

Hope you all enjoyed your weekend, even though it's Wednesday already. Whatever.

Thankful Thursday

For about a week now a friend of mine on Facebook has been pimping out a friend of his. It seems that she was the winning contestant on a show called "Design Star" that runs on HGTV. I watch a myriad of reality shows, but had never caught that one. For winning, she had five episodes of her show, "Paint Over", run this week. With good enough ratings the show will be picked up. Pretty exciting stuff.

Also on Facebook, for several months now I've seen a few friends of mine post pictures of a little boy. He was obviously born with some serious health issues, but they were never mentioned and I didn't want to just out and out ask. Here's a picture of him the day he was born, and it had the caption, "Our little baby bullfrog."



And here's a more recent photo of him. Gotta love that face!



Then today I get a FB invitation to join the group "Winston's Warriors", which is a support group for the family of this little boy. The mother, come to find out, is also the woman that won Design Star! And you can go here to read her story. And if you are on Facebook, just search for the group Winston's Warriors. Quite a bit they have on their plate.

So, on this Thursday, I am thankful for so much. I am very thankful for my healthy little boy. He can drive me nuts faster than you can say, "I need a drink," but he's the best thing to ever happen to me, and makes me melt whenever he randomly asks me if I want "a big hug." I'm also extremely thankful for my wonderful husband, the second best thing to ever happen to me. He's a great guy and a loving and devoted stepdad. And patient. Oh so patient. A great man who makes me strive to be a better person. What are you all thankful for?

Weekend Wrap Up

Earlier today my husband said to me, "I took a picture of my meat." That confused me for a bit, but I eventually figured out what he meant. More on that later.

Friday after we dropped Stink off at preschool, hubby announced he wanted to "do something", just not sit around. We went and saw "The Hangover". Holy hell, that was funny! We then ran a bunch of errands, made a lot of stops, and somehow, I ended up with a bunch of new clothes. Rounded the day off with dinner out, then came home to watch some "Criminal Minds" that had been recorded on the DVR.

Saturday found us cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, getting ready for our planned BBQ on Sunday. We took my parents up on their offer to take us out for dinner, a "thank you" for watching their house while they were gone for two weeks. Totally blew our diets, but so worth it.

Sunday we had a small gathering of friends over. We had great food and a ton of laughs. I'm still full and still laughing about some of the things that were said. That is my idea of a fun day!

Today we slept in, took a short motorcycle ride, then got Stink back about 5:00pm. We had $75.00 (a belated gift from my father in law) to spend on the kid for his birthday, so we headed to Toys R Us for him to pick some stuff out. $74.24 later, and we were out of there.

After messing around with his new toys, the three of us headed out for a bicycle ride. Afterwards, hubby took off for a solo ride while Sam and I played for a bit. When hubby returned, I took off for a walk. I'd taken 4 days off from it, not to mention I tackled a steep hill. My legs are burning!

This evening was spent playing with new toys, and trying to teach Sam how to play "Connect 4", a game that my husband tends to kick my ass at.

Tomorrow (Tuesday) we are all "back to normal." I SO don't want to get up! I'm sure Sam will sleep in, which he needs desperately. When he stayed with my folks, he was up until almost midnight and still managed to wake up at 8:00.

I hope you all enjoyed your weekend! I was bestowed an award, which I will post, give thanks for, and pass on in the next few days. Right now, I'm entirely too tired to accept it properly. And since I teased you with it, here is my husband's meat:



I had every intention of snapping a picture of him being mildly inappropriate with the meat, but I'm a slacker and I slept in. What can I say? Mama loves her sleep!

I'm On Staycation

That's right, I'm off work until next Tuesday. And I'm loving it! I let Stink stay up a bit late last night in hopes that he'd sleep in today. And? Success!!! Slept until 11:30. Jealous, anyone?

We've had a lazy day, hanging out and playing "cars", "ball", and "police". We headed out for a bike ride but the newly acquired wheels from my BFF made a few odd clicking noises. I got nervous at the thought of breaking down and having to push it home, so I opted to just walk our route while Sam rode.

My husband and some coworkers are volunteering at Habitat For Humanity today. Their company is very community friendly and will fully compensate their employees for two days of volunteering per year. I'm sure he's worn out, as he had to work late last night and had to be up quite early today. On the plus side, the weather is cooperating nicely. No rain, and it's not 100 degrees.

After preschool tomorrow Sam is going to be picked up by his dad, who will keep him until Sunday. Hooray for weekends alone with my man! Then on Sunday my parents will pick Stink up and keep him for the night, as we're having a BBQ. Should be a fun weekend.

I'm trying to veer away from any posts about my ex MIL, but it just wouldn't be right if I didn't tell you that when I got on Facebook today I had a new friend request. From her. WTF???

And I'm sure by now you've all heard that the Duggar family is expecting. Their 19th child. Good for them. Like a friend of mine asked, "By 19, don't they just sort of fall out?"



Hope you all enjoy your weekend!

Weekend Wrap Up And Wrandom Wrambling

I'm going to give this a go, but be advised it's midnight and I've been drinking. Let's have some fun with this, shall we? (Ya know what would be fun? If I didn't use spell check. I've already corrected 3 errors. Good times.)

Friday night after our evening walk, Sam, out of nowhere, asked if he could call his daddy. I tried to discourage him, but not to the point where he'd tell his dad I said no. I looked over and he was holding the phone in my face. I called, they chatted, conversation ended and Stink told me he'd see his daddy on Sunday, after the party. OK. More on that later.

Saturday had my husband at work, for the 6th day in a row, from 11:00am to 7:00pm. Sam and I had met up with my BFF and her two girls. We attempted a bike trail, but littlest kid struggled. We settled on the two bigger kids riding around a huge parking lot, while me and BFF and "littlest" sat in the back of hubby's truck. We went back to her house for lots of playing and laughter, McDonald's Happy Meals, and fun. Then Stink & I ran home to drop off the truck and bikes and loaded into my car to head to the grocery store.

At the store, we picked up a few necessary items and also some accompaniments for dinner. I also happened to notice a red streak on his neck. Again, more on that later.

We headed home and I was boiling shrimp and corn, making Tilapia and rice, what have you. Streak on neck is much bigger. Take the kiddo's shirt off and discover red, blotchy welts all down his torso and waistline. Annoying call to Ask-A-Nurse advises soapy bath, pat dry, Hydrocortisone, and Benadryl. They mentioned that might make him sleepy. NOT! He was drugged with glassy eyes, but wide awake. Up until almost midnight.

*I asked hubby last night if I could use his name on here. Some discussion ensued, and he relented and said I could call him "D-Dub", his nickname at work. Heads up.*

I finally took Stink to bed and was laying with him, brushing his hair back, stroking his obviously tired face. I have no idea how it came about, but I recall telling him how much I loved him, how he'd changed my life, he was a blessing, blah blah blah. Me: "Sam, I love you." Sam: "Mama, I love D-Dub." Nice.

Today started with us scrounging my parent's basement for things that our newly single friend could use, a great guy who made out with nothing. We came up with sheets, an electric blanket, full set of dishes (along with gravy boat), table + 4 chairs, computer desk and chair, lamp, nightstand, microwave, crock pot, skillet, and a sombrero. On the drive out there we found a perfectly good Queen size mattress for him. My smart ass mom also sent me out with and 8X10 picture of D-Dub and me and a tack. While no one was looking, I hung that shit in the kitchen. Enjoy, friend!

This evening I took Sam to BFF's daughter's 4th birthday party while hubby and my dad went on a ride, which included a stop at "Bar". Where my dad saw somebody he knew. Awesome!

At the party BFF's ex told me that he spoke with girly the day before and he asked what she was doing. Her response? Playing with "Sam The Person." I thought that story held pretty well on its own. Until he further explained that his parents have a dog named Sam, and there had been some previous confusion. Ironic thing? It wasn't Sam The Dog infested with fleas. It was Sam The Person. That explains the red welts.

We picked Sam up from the party and since we'd previously arranged this by email, dropped him off at his daddy's house. We headed out to dinner then home for cocktails. We were enjoying said drinks when the phone rang. Assuming it was a friend, hubby answered. It was my baby. Seems he missed me "way, way, way, way, way too much". I told him I'd see him the next day, pick him up from preschool in the truck, and we could do what he wanted. He first said McDonald's. I agreed, then he scrapped that idea and said he wanted to go visit my husband at work. I know my ex was in earshot, and I can't tell you how much that pleased me.

This has gotten way longer than I intended, and I apologize. I've picked up two new readers (which we know we all LOVE) and I totally intend to check them out. Rick and Shana, you have not gone unnoticed.

Hope you all had a great weekend!

P.S. Three more weeks until honeymoon. I have two people lined up to guest post. Anybody else want to join in on the fun?

I Make Random Look Good

I had to get my car tags renewed yesterday. They never sent me the papers in the mail, so I had to go in person. I get there and go to "check in" and the computer says the current wait time is 3 hours, 36 minutes. Lovely. But they have this system where you can enter your cell and they'll keep you posted on your status "in line". I actually got a text that I was only 141 people away from being next. Hooray! I'll spare you the details, but I got them done and was in and out of there in 10 minutes. The system works!

While walking in there I noticed this guy completely checking out my chest. Then he smiled. And laughed. WTF? Then I realized he was reading my shirt. In sort of camo print it says: "Dump Him". Then under that, "Mission Accomplished". A gift I got at my, "I'm finally fucking divorced" party. I was pretty relieved, not gonna lie.

Speaking of my chest, when Stink and I went for our evening walk tonight I let him drive his battery powered truck. After having to carry him for the last uphill leg of last night's trek, I thought it would be a good idea. All in all, it was a success. The thing struggles a bit on inclines, but it works. Declines? I'm jogging to keep up with him. Or, more accurately, to not get run over by him. And I realized something disturbing. I don't feel the need for a sports bra. Rather, a sports girdle. Excellent.

Speaking of my divorce, my ex responded to an email my dad sent him. It was so out there and inaccurate, I won't even get into it. My dad has no intention of responding, but one thing has really hit a nerve with me. My ex claims that his dislike of my husband has to do with us having an affair while dickhole and I were still married. WTF??? I filed for divorce in March, '06. My husband and I had our first date in September, '07. Wow, I'm quite the whore. Granted we were technically still married, but only because he drug our divorce out for 18 months. Idiot.

Speaking of my home wrecking husband, he called me earlier and said that a coworker was backing out of his parking spot and hit his truck. The guy got out and assessed the damage, said, "Well, it did more damage to me than you", and drove off. Hubby was pissed and called the police to file a report. Which, apparently they don't do if it happens on private property. Everybody is mad at this douche for driving off because, seriously, who does that? At your place of employment? He's just thankful he didn't take the Jeep to work today.

Speaking of the Jeep, what is up with other Jeep drivers feeling the need to wave at me? The polite side of me feels like a bitch for not waving back but, come on! When I'm in my car I don't wave at other Chevy Cobalts! But I might start doing that.

Speaking of waving, eh, I'm kidding. I got nothin'.

This concludes my effort to blog.